This company injected me with a toxin when I was hired, I am positive. I have not been able to pin point the moment it happened, but I have a feeling it was between signing up for the bad health insurance and the equally shitty 401k. I thought the prick on the back of my neck was the slutty HR rep’s icy stare, but now I know different.
The toxin lay dormant for a few months while the honeymoon stages of the new job kept me going. Then, oh my, did it ever hit. I get a sick feeling in my stomach in the morning when I know I have to come into work. I had to go on anti-depressants because the environment here is so poisonious and dark. Every time the boss overlooked me, ignored me, yelled, bitched, blah blah the toxin got a little stronger.
Get a new job, everyone chants. Yeah, well I was trying to hang onto this one for at least two years since it was my first job after moving to this new state. After that, I started looking. That was when the economy was first beginning to tank. And now…good luck to me I guess. I have applied to more jobs than I can count and not one call back.
Is it me? Do I suck that bad? I have always done really well in other jobs. It is just this one that has put me into this pit of despair that I fear I cannot climb out of. I would take anything right now- I would even go back to retail clothing (god save my soul). Hell, I considered waiting tables at one point last week, to which my boyfriend replied with getting me tea and a sleeping pill and telling me I must be sleep deprived to even think such things.
Until I get this toxin out I fear I will be stuck. So I need to put a cork in my co-workers complaining to me, I need to think good thoughts (I will get out of here), and then I need to focus on getting back into school to get that RN.
I need more coffee.
