This company injected me with a toxin when I was hired, I am positive. I have not been able to pin point the moment it happened, but I have a feeling it was between signing up for the bad health insurance and the equally shitty 401k. I thought the prick on the back of my neck was the slutty HR rep’s icy stare, but now I know different.
The toxin lay dormant for a few months while the honeymoon stages of the new job kept me going. Then, oh my, did it ever hit. I get a sick feeling in my stomach in the morning when I know I have to come into work. I had to go on anti-depressants because the environment here is so poisonious and dark. Every time the boss overlooked me, ignored me, yelled, bitched, blah blah the toxin got a little stronger.
Get a new job, everyone chants. Yeah, well I was trying to hang onto this one for at least two years since it was my first job after moving to this new state. After that, I started looking. That was when the economy was first beginning to tank. And now…good luck to me I guess. I have applied to more jobs than I can count and not one call back.
Is it me? Do I suck that bad? I have always done really well in other jobs. It is just this one that has put me into this pit of despair that I fear I cannot climb out of. I would take anything right now- I would even go back to retail clothing (god save my soul). Hell, I considered waiting tables at one point last week, to which my boyfriend replied with getting me tea and a sleeping pill and telling me I must be sleep deprived to even think such things.
Until I get this toxin out I fear I will be stuck. So I need to put a cork in my co-workers complaining to me, I need to think good thoughts (I will get out of here), and then I need to focus on getting back into school to get that RN.
I need more coffee.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Good morn dear Internet,
I had a post all ready to go this morning about this great drama at my work that happened yesterday…it is priceless. I will post it later. This morning, as I was walking doen the wooded path to work with the birds singing and orchestra music playing while the sun was shining…
Who am I kidding- I was stuck in traffic listening to talk radio and cursing myself for taking the highway this morning. Anywho…today I will regale you with this little gem that happened just a little while ago
I get to work and my good friend BITTER (he hates his job, his daughters, his singleness, and his God right now) has an uncharacteristic smile on his face. Odd, I thought as I sunk into my chair to turn my computer on.
My Windows session had just started when he comes SKIPPING (seriously) to my desk and says “I have a surprise for you, and I think you are going to be blown away!”
Well well! I thought to myself, how thoughtful, he got me a gift. I mean, we have known each other for three years, working together day in, day out, and he finally gets me something? So nice!! Maybe he was getting over his bitter cycle.
As I was soon to find out, the only reason he was happy was due to my utter shame and thoughts of me blushing from head to toe while being completely stripped of all pride.
Back to me being temporairily happy…
“Oh yeah?! What did you get me?!” I said hopefully, never thinking for a second that he would take joy in my shame
“Well…let me show you, here, scoot over a sec…” he says as he nudges me over, takes my mouse and opens up my Internet Explorer. At this point I am thinking that he ordered something that did not come in yet, so he could only show me a picture. Maybe that countertop garden thing with the lights?!
Then I notice that he is on some person’s blog page, scrolling through the articles. Odd, I said to myself. My mind began to click through possibilities of what Bitter could have gotten me…
“AH! Here it is, go ahead, read up. This is Butters’ blog. I hope you enjoy…” then he breaks out in uncontrollable cackling.
There, in that blog, I found that not only had Butters written about what he wished to do to me at night, in the cubicle, but also love poems, prose, short stories…all professing his love for me. I WAS MORTIFIED. Imagine, if you will, a 70’s porn star dressed in flannel shirts, wranglers, tool belt, and beer gut (a big one). Who likes Nascar and has a lisp. Oh, and HUGE thick glasses. That is Butters. He is also married, however as I found out likes to swing.
“Holy *%&$^ mother of god in heaven %&$#*and %*$#@( earth *#@$%…” I muttered under my breath along with assorted curse words. I cuss like a sailor, get over it.
“You like it? Wait, this gets better…” he then opens my outlook inbox to find the source of this mission against my life…my arch enemy TALKS ALOTTA CRAP AND HAS MIDDLE AGE SPREAD had sent an e-mail to many employees with this link on it. I.Was.Mortified.
Me being the vindictive bitch that I am, I immediately sent the e-mail to HR, copied the arch enemy, and told HR that she had sent a bulk non-work related e-mail, AND that it contained a personal attack (she had called me a name that I shall not repeat).
Now, as I sit here month later writing this, my arch enemy gone, Bitter is still bitter, and me building up to have another enemy, I laugh when I think about that blog. Butters’ took it down not long after. He has since moved on to “love” another girl in the office…hopefully she will not find out about his love the way I did.
This office is crazy and if I was a better writer I would be able to write a soap opera.
I had a post all ready to go this morning about this great drama at my work that happened yesterday…it is priceless. I will post it later. This morning, as I was walking doen the wooded path to work with the birds singing and orchestra music playing while the sun was shining…
Who am I kidding- I was stuck in traffic listening to talk radio and cursing myself for taking the highway this morning. Anywho…today I will regale you with this little gem that happened just a little while ago
I get to work and my good friend BITTER (he hates his job, his daughters, his singleness, and his God right now) has an uncharacteristic smile on his face. Odd, I thought as I sunk into my chair to turn my computer on.
My Windows session had just started when he comes SKIPPING (seriously) to my desk and says “I have a surprise for you, and I think you are going to be blown away!”
Well well! I thought to myself, how thoughtful, he got me a gift. I mean, we have known each other for three years, working together day in, day out, and he finally gets me something? So nice!! Maybe he was getting over his bitter cycle.
As I was soon to find out, the only reason he was happy was due to my utter shame and thoughts of me blushing from head to toe while being completely stripped of all pride.
Back to me being temporairily happy…
“Oh yeah?! What did you get me?!” I said hopefully, never thinking for a second that he would take joy in my shame
“Well…let me show you, here, scoot over a sec…” he says as he nudges me over, takes my mouse and opens up my Internet Explorer. At this point I am thinking that he ordered something that did not come in yet, so he could only show me a picture. Maybe that countertop garden thing with the lights?!
Then I notice that he is on some person’s blog page, scrolling through the articles. Odd, I said to myself. My mind began to click through possibilities of what Bitter could have gotten me…
“AH! Here it is, go ahead, read up. This is Butters’ blog. I hope you enjoy…” then he breaks out in uncontrollable cackling.
There, in that blog, I found that not only had Butters written about what he wished to do to me at night, in the cubicle, but also love poems, prose, short stories…all professing his love for me. I WAS MORTIFIED. Imagine, if you will, a 70’s porn star dressed in flannel shirts, wranglers, tool belt, and beer gut (a big one). Who likes Nascar and has a lisp. Oh, and HUGE thick glasses. That is Butters. He is also married, however as I found out likes to swing.
“Holy *%&$^ mother of god in heaven %&$#*and %*$#@( earth *#@$%…” I muttered under my breath along with assorted curse words. I cuss like a sailor, get over it.
“You like it? Wait, this gets better…” he then opens my outlook inbox to find the source of this mission against my life…my arch enemy TALKS ALOTTA CRAP AND HAS MIDDLE AGE SPREAD had sent an e-mail to many employees with this link on it. I.Was.Mortified.
Me being the vindictive bitch that I am, I immediately sent the e-mail to HR, copied the arch enemy, and told HR that she had sent a bulk non-work related e-mail, AND that it contained a personal attack (she had called me a name that I shall not repeat).
Now, as I sit here month later writing this, my arch enemy gone, Bitter is still bitter, and me building up to have another enemy, I laugh when I think about that blog. Butters’ took it down not long after. He has since moved on to “love” another girl in the office…hopefully she will not find out about his love the way I did.
This office is crazy and if I was a better writer I would be able to write a soap opera.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Fruit Time
We have this little ceremony at a certain time everyday where everyone eats an elongated, yellow fruit. I can't say what it is, since that fruit is in the name of the ceremony, and give me away. Anyways....so imagine 12 men standing around holding their fruit...and then this is what I heard (there is a cube wall between me and them)
Stanley (I call him that cause he is just like that guy from the Office): Mine is the biggest one today
Butters (I will explain later): That's what she said
Boyfriend (I work with my lover, thats right): Dude, Butters, that does not make any sense. Besides, you would not know what to do with it if a girl came around anyway
Southern Belle comes walking by, Butters drops the yellow fruit
Boyfriend: dude, you dropped your fruit
Stanley: That's what she said
Those are my boys. Except butters, no one likes that mountain man wolf loving freak.
Stanley (I call him that cause he is just like that guy from the Office): Mine is the biggest one today
Butters (I will explain later): That's what she said
Boyfriend (I work with my lover, thats right): Dude, Butters, that does not make any sense. Besides, you would not know what to do with it if a girl came around anyway
Southern Belle comes walking by, Butters drops the yellow fruit
Boyfriend: dude, you dropped your fruit
Stanley: That's what she said
Those are my boys. Except butters, no one likes that mountain man wolf loving freak.
To the Southern Belle in the cubicle over the half wall
Did I say Belle? What I meant was 'woman who would rather die than actually clear her throat so I have to hear you do pussy ass guttural sounds all damn day'. Seriously, this woman must do those little half assed throat calls 1,000 times a day. The problem could be solved in one good growl, but nooo....
Today is one of those days that I can TOTALLY see myself completely going postal and slapping her upside the head. Not just for the throat fiasco, oh no. There are many reasons that I will eventually share
Today is one of those days that I can TOTALLY see myself completely going postal and slapping her upside the head. Not just for the throat fiasco, oh no. There are many reasons that I will eventually share
3 year tour in hell
I have not seen Satan yet, but I am sure he is in the stair case taking a nap with his adult magazines and will be out anytime. Oh, wait, thats the guy two cubicles over...sorry!
This June marks my three year anniversary here at software-r-us, and I decided that it was time for you all to share in the daily hell that is a software call center. Nice of me, I know, but this stuff gets rauncy and juicy. You will not be disappointed.
In my department, we have the Southern Belle. SB likes her hairspray, her jewlery, and loves her some Southern living. Oh, she also has a hick accent and likes to talk. All day. I know we are a call center, however...talking to clients about the weather and their babies for three hours straight is not something I would like to listen to. Well...SB has a work husband/nemesis/bitch buddy named Nicotine. I call him that b/c if he is not laughing/chatting/yelling with SB, then he is smoking. I am not sure what he has been doing for the 14 years he has been at software-r-us other than staining his hands yellow.
More on that to come, I have to get back to looking busy. There have not been any calls into our pay-by-the-hour support center for four days on my line. Shocking, at the prices we charge.
Side note: We write software for the Convenience store industry, so when I mention C-Store, Manager, IT...keep in mind the last time you went into a C-Store to buy a diet coke, and what the cashier was like. I deal with that every.single.day.
toodles
This June marks my three year anniversary here at software-r-us, and I decided that it was time for you all to share in the daily hell that is a software call center. Nice of me, I know, but this stuff gets rauncy and juicy. You will not be disappointed.
In my department, we have the Southern Belle. SB likes her hairspray, her jewlery, and loves her some Southern living. Oh, she also has a hick accent and likes to talk. All day. I know we are a call center, however...talking to clients about the weather and their babies for three hours straight is not something I would like to listen to. Well...SB has a work husband/nemesis/bitch buddy named Nicotine. I call him that b/c if he is not laughing/chatting/yelling with SB, then he is smoking. I am not sure what he has been doing for the 14 years he has been at software-r-us other than staining his hands yellow.
More on that to come, I have to get back to looking busy. There have not been any calls into our pay-by-the-hour support center for four days on my line. Shocking, at the prices we charge.
Side note: We write software for the Convenience store industry, so when I mention C-Store, Manager, IT...keep in mind the last time you went into a C-Store to buy a diet coke, and what the cashier was like. I deal with that every.single.day.
toodles
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